My love for the messy people romance

And the line between reality and fantasy

At the beginning of October, I read You, Again by Kate Goldbeck and loved it ferociously. (More to come in my October reading recap.) Naturally, I then started analyzing why and after a bit of deliberation and book journaling, decided that this was a prime example of what I’ve decided to call messy people romance. Every romance protagonist has some growing to do but these people perhaps have extra growing to do. They had a feeling once and hated it. They either sprint away from conflict or run into it with unbridled enthusiasm. They say the wrong thing at the wrong time. They’re a little—or a lot—adrift. And I love them for it.

Although the feelings are big, the conflict in messy person romance is relatively grounded and small-scale. No one is from rival witch clans or fighting an evil interstellar corporation’s intergalactic plots, as much as I also enjoy witchy rivalry and foiling evil interstellar corporations. The main obstacle in the way of the characters getting together is themselves. And although they’re undeniably imperfect, they’re also undeniably meant to be. The joy is in watching them find their way towards each other and find their way towards a better version of themselves. Crucially, though, they do have to end up a better version of themselves. For me, there has to be real change and reflection. (Maybe a little bit of groveling, if warranted.) I love reading books about people at a turning point in their lives, on the precipice of something big, and books that offer both generosity and accountability for the choices made at those turning points.

I also love these kinds of books for how they make me think about the role of reality and fantasy in romance. I often think about this in the context of historical romance, which presents a fantasy version of the past with its own established genre conventions, but contemporary romance offers its own kind of dream world. This pondering was partially sparked by a spate of Goodreads review browsing—always a dangerous game—and the occasional review describing a romance as “too real”. For me, real is one of the very best compliments I can give a romance novel and I think most romance readers would agree that they’re looking for complex and vivid characters. But at what point does that complexity tip over into frustration? When do we want to escape into a world different from our own, whether that’s a low-angst small town, glitzy high society, or just a world of heightened emotions and high stakes? What kind of an escape are we looking for when we pick up a romance? And are we always looking for an escape anyway?

I think, like so much else, it depends on the reader. The more I read and the older I get, the more patience I find for prickly characters. Sometimes I do want another world to swallow me up but sometimes I want a reflection of the one I’m already in. And my preferred escape is one that feels messy yet true, with the promise that although your past mistakes may always be a part of you, they don’t have to define you.

I have a lot more thoughts about romance and escapism, possibly to come in a future post, but I’ll leave it here for now. Let me know your favorite messy romances in the comments and what escapism in romance means to you.

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Currently reading: Reluctant Immortals by Gwendolyn Kiste, a feminist horror novel that finds Lucy Westenra and Bertha Mason undead immortals in 1960’s California. I’m always here for a new feminist take on a classic and I’m really liking the 60’s setting.

A few things I’ve enjoyed watching, reading, and listening to this week:

• This nuanced and eloquent essay from Sara at FictionMatters. I’ve spent the last week trying to take some deep breaths and spend very little time on social media and as always, I so appreciate her thoughtful perspective.

• This great episode from the Material Girls podcast about Bridgerton, romance reading, and adaptation. A delightfully nerdy, funny time.

• The Receipt from the Bookshop series from Terrible at Titles, which I cannot believe Substack only just served to me and which I already adore.

• The start of the Grand Prix, which means my weekends will be fully occupied with figure skating from now until December. I just watched a surprisingly good pairs event and am bracing myself for the chaos (hopefully in a good way?) of men later tonight.